Saturday, April 3, 2010

Dignity Lost

Age can really creep up on you, you know? At what point do we decide to just let certain standards go? Is it even a point or is it more of a subconscious slide into I-don’t-really-care-ness? Last night my daughter rocketed upstairs at three in the morning to seek help with extracting a goblin from her bedroom closet. I tried to comfort her with words, explaining that goblins don’t exist and that if they did and were going to attack they would hardly hang out in her closet waiting for the perfect moment to do so. But she couldn’t understand a word I was saying because I had my mouth guard in.

I grind my teeth at night. Actually, it’s more of a clenching motion, but the effect is the same. So I wear a plastic hockey-goalie mouth guard and it really helps me sleep. I also wear a leg brace on my right lower leg for a chronic Achilles heel injury. And on the occasion of lice invading our home, I coat my hair with olive oil and don a shower cap to suffocate the little buggers. What a beauty. So help me if there were a genuine emergency that would necessitate me leaving the house in the middle of the night.

My husband recently got a mouth guard as well which made me feel a whole lot better, although I still wait for him to go to sleep before I put mine in. And to make me feel even smugger still, I have a friend who has a mouth guard and a husband with sleep apnea, so he visits the land of nod with the help of an oxygen snorkel (not a medical term). Wow. I know it’s mean to laugh at the misfortune of others and all that, but it’s nice to know I’m not alone.

Of course, that mentality is also dangerously enabling.

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