Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Royal Wedding Part Deux

Ok, at the risk of being repetitive, here's another royal wedding post, but too funny not to share. Thanks big sis!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Royal Pains in the Bum

OK, so I've been struggling for a few weeks to think of something original to write about the Royal Wedding (Yes, remember THAT news story? Where did it all go?????), something that hadn't been said five million times elsewhere. Then a very sarcastic friend of mine saw me in town and yelled out "Hey, Pippa!" to catch my attention and it hit me: Kate Mountbatten-Windsor (nee Middleton), Duchess of Cambridge yadda yadda yadda and her stunning sister Pippa have a lot to answer for.

Most British people to hit the US media - actors, musicians,politicians - are relatively unattractive in American terms. The one exception might be David Beckham (I don't count his wife because I'm not convinced she's human) but even he has awful teeth. We are a nation known for our poor dental aesthetics. Someone I worked with once threatened to come visit my husband and I in the UK and I jokingly said I wouldn't give him our address. "How hard could it be to find two people in England with good teeth?", he quipped. Humph.

But now we have Kate and Pippa, who have set the bar WAY to high, apparently without any effort at all. It's not like Diana, who never quite seemed to be of this world (in a good way, unlike Posh) because their beauty seems very accessible. By contrast, I am no longer 'not bad for a Brit'. In fact I'm quite sure that anyone who heard my "friend" calling me Pippa took one look at me and thought "as IF!"

(It was a beautiful wedding though, wasn't it? No, I wasn't invited)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Level-- I mean Step-- One

When we were kids, my brother and I-- both blonde and blue-eyed with a natural SPF of about negative eight-- often sought ways to escape the relentless rays of the mid-day summer sun.

At the beach club, we'd commandeer a table in the bar and play backgammon for hours. And, on those days we skipped the beach and stayed at the house, we'd hide out down the road (and across an abandoned field) at a restaurant/bar that had an adjoining black-lit arcade with a Six Million Dollar Man pinball machine, Space Invaders, and Pac Man. We spent a lot of time and ice cream man money there.

All those hours spent in bars as a kid may be at the root of my problem. No, not a drinking problem. A gaming problem.

My susceptibility to the siren song of "Player 1" has manifested itself many times over the years: I spent hours in my brother's room playing Pitfall! and Hockey on the Intellivision; I was addicted to Snake Byte on our Apple II (I can still picture vividly the trailing green tail); and I know that I deserved a four credit A in Tetris for all the time I wasted playing it freshman year.

The kids always ask me to play Wii with them and I defer. My reason for saying no is not that-- at almost 40-- I think video games are beneath me or that I no longer have the requisite hand-eye coordination. I don't play Wii with them because I'm scared of a future that finds me home alone at 11AM on a school day working hard to help Mario and Luigi rescue the princess.

And then I got the iPad2. Alert! Alert! Turns out I know myself pretty well. And yet... that didn't stop me from playing Angry Birds Rio until I got three stars in every level.

My name is Weaselsnark and I have a problem.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I No Longer Have Piles!

My in-laws are coming to visit next week for my son's First Communion. It's a very good thing because our guest room is a pigsty and I needed a kick in the pants to do some spring cleaning.

The extra wet, cold spring meant that I had plenty of time to go through the kids' rooms and get rid of the clothes that don't fit them anymore. I only wish we had cousins nearby to offload the stuff in one fell swoop. Instead I put it into piles on the spare bed: girl clothes that can be passed down to my younger daughter (that I think she'll want to wear), boy clothes that can be sold on consignment, boy and girl clothes for Goodwill and little girl clothes for consignment. Consignment potentials also have to be divided and dropped off seasonally.

Once I had categorized and bagged up all the clothes that were on the bed, I found wrapping paper, a humidifier filter, partner-deficient socks and my royal wedding paraphernalia (so THAT'S where the bunting went!). I still have some work to do in there but it was very cathartic to get the clothing sorted. Now the kids can open and close their drawers and wear seasonally-appropriate clothing. For a couple of months anyway.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Cup of Woe

Saturday was Opening Day for baseball in our town. Yawn....oops, I mean, yay!

My son had his first practice Saturday afternoon. Because spring weekends in suburbia are literally jam-packed with sports, the plan was that my son and I would rush from his practice to catch the end of my daughter's soccer game.

Watching my son struggle to keep up with me as we headed for the parking lot and then duck-waddle/run back to the batting cage because he had forgotten his water bottle, I couldn't help but think that maybe having eight different sports commitments a week was beginning to take its toll.

When we finally got to the car, he kind of laughed, shook his head, and said: "Note to self: next time the cup goes over the underpants." Ouch.