Tuesday, December 28, 2010


My daughter just turned ten and, in her excitement, has taken to signing everything with her name followed by 'DD'. I only discovered this little gem when a (male) classmate's mother emailed me to ask what it stood for. In screaming hysterics, I assured her it wasn't an allusion to bra-size and promised I would find out. It turned out to be 'Double Digits'. Poor thing; even when I said that DD had another meaning, she guessed 'Dunkin Donuts'.

When I finally gave the giant boobs explanation, she was duly mortified and asked me if this was like the time she voted to name the newly-hatched class chick, Pecker. "Exactly", I said.

There's no way to walk the minefield that is our language without receiving at least a fleshwound but I'm trying to ward off as much embarassment for my kids as possible. They can recite most of the swear-word-alphabet (or say they can - for some reason they won't say it to me) but even there, Minx thinks the "s" word is "shut-up". More importantly, they fall short on the double-entendres and here's where I come in. There's nothing like a good British upbringing for finding rude hidden meanings in practically anything. I just have to tailor my talent to age-appropriate knowledge and remember that some prejudices must not cross the Atlantic (in America there's nothing wrong with the name Kevin). In fact, I fancy myself as a bit of a sapper, carefully seeking out and defusing verbal mines.

Speaking of which, I now have to go have a word with my son for making Minx sing Yankee Doodle, starting every word with the letter 'F'.

Think about it.

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